What’s that cliched poem about two ships passing in the night? Jamie couldn’t remember who wrote it, but she thought of it now as she heard the front door slam shut. It could have been the start of a nice evening together. She dished out chicken fried rice take out from two days ago but that didn’t mean romance was off the table.

It didn’t really matter what was for dinner. Not lately.

“Dammit!” Jamie shouted in surprise, the spoon piled with chicken fried rice flew from her hand and clattered against the counter top. With a heavy sigh, she plunked the spoon into the take out container and used the side of her hand to scrape the mess of rice into her hand then back onto her plate.

“Chinese again?” Jake’s voice came from the doorway as he entered. Jamie turned her gaze toward him, taking in his untucked shirt and his strong fingers working the knot in his tie as he came toward her. But his eyes were trained on the white containers in front of her, the spilled rice and the half filled plates.

She might have been a bit of a foodie, but unfortunately, she was no cook. And she had tried. Jamie had taken classes and asked her friends to help teach her, even Jake had tried his hand at helping her learn. But she still burned everything but pancakes.

“There’s still some lasagna from a few days ago in the fridge. I can heat up for you if you want.” She offered, turning away from his non-stare to scoop the orange chicken on to her plate. Jake heaved a sigh and opened the fridge behind her.

“Don’t worry about it.” He grumbled and she heard the popping open of a beer bottle.

“Jake,” Jamie began, turning back towards him as he walked behind her and out of the kitchen.

“I’m not that hungry right now. I’ll find something later.” He took a pull of his beer as he walked into the hallway to their bedroom and out of her sight.

Right, the ships. Jamie grumbled to herself, putting away the take out containers before popping her plate into the microwave for a few minutes. Food ready, she settled in at their small four person table situated just off the kitchen.

Jamie was tired. Tired of being alone even when in the same room as the man who was supposed to be her partner in life. They passed each other by, going on their own ways. Usually her morning started with a shouted bye while she stumbled out of bed toward coffee. Awake for hours before her, Jake would get a run and a shower in before leaving by 7:15am at the latest.

Tonight had been an early night home for him. But even when home for dinner, he took it in front of the TV, playing online games with his friends.

Jamie stared at her the latest book in her reading pile. Half way through the steamy romance, she couldn’t bring herself to pick it up. Jamie wasn’t stupid. Book boyfriends were just that, book boyfriends. Fiction, an escape, nothing to base her real life romance on. But that didn’t stop the ache in her chest as the main characters gushed about the romantic gestures their partners made, the way their heart pitter-pattered, the passion that sparked the sheets on fire.

Jamie sighed, halfway through her plate when Jake came out from the bedroom. He dumped his empty bottle in the recycling and grabbed another from the fridge.

“How was work?” Jamie asked and he paused on his way out of the room to look over his shoulder at her. She smiled gently and took in his body for the brief moment. Plaid pajama pants rode low on his hips and she knew he wore no boxers underneath the soft fabric. On top he wore a tight around his biceps, faded gray college shirt. Jamie felt her pulse stir at the sight of him, anticipation running up her spine. Sexual attraction to her boyfriend had never been an issue.

Their problem came from a lack of emotional closeness. Jake seemed to lack compassion, lack motivation the last few months. Jamie missed the conversations they would have in the middle of the night, in the dark of their bedroom. The laughter they shared as he tried to teach her to play his video games and the way they argued over which 90’s action movie was the best one.

“Work was fine. Same work, different day,” Jake shrugged and continued on his way into the living room. The open concept allowed Jamie to watch as he booted up his gaming console, put his headphones in place and got comfortable on the couch for his favorite past time: online multiplayer first person shooters. Jake worked sixty plus hours a week as a lawyer so she never begrudged him his gaming time. But it still stung and made her heart clench with yearning as she listened to him chat with his gaming buddies, laughing and joking when just moments before he had barely said two words to her.

They had been together for almost five years and living together for two; their family and friends often commented how lucky they were to have each other. Many of Jamie’s friends were still single in their early thirty’s and joked about how jealous they were that after five years, there was still a spark between the couple. If only they knew.

Jamie knew she loved Jake. With all her heart, she knew she wanted to spend her life with him. Marry him, have his babies, and grow old with him. Jake still said the words her back to her, despite the fact that he hadn’t shown it lately.

Something was wrong. They were distant. Ships at sea, passing without thought for the other. They didn’t text each other cute messages when they were apart or call just to say, “I love you,” like they used to.

She really didn’t want to lose him, he meant so much to her and in every way they made sense together. There was just…something missing. Jamie knew they needed to talk it out together but she hoped an answer on how to fix it would come to her before bringing it up. She liked having a plan of action, a path to follow, and a tangible goal in mind before starting something.

Setting down her fork on her now empty plate, Jamie brushed her frizzy, out of control hair back from her face as she stood to clean up the kitchen. After washing her dishes, she made Jake a simple meat and cheese sandwich with a side of chips and another beer. She didn’t know much about the games he played but could tell but his talk to his teammates that they were preparing to raid another team in a few minutes. She set down his plate and beer on the coffee table in front of him and he gave her a quick nod in thanks.

Jamie didn’t have a plan, she didn’t know how to fix them but she wanted to try to keep their connection. So with a fortifying breath she knelt on the couch next to him and leaned against his arm. After a moment, Jake paused the mic on his headphones, glancing in her direction briefly before turning his gaze back to his game.
“When you’re done with your sandwich, do you want to come to bed? I can help you de-stress a little.” She said, knowing he would understand the offer for sex as she ran a finger gently across the back of his neck.

“We’ve got a few raids scheduled and I can’t let the guys down. Maybe tomorrow.” He replied tersely and quickly turned his mic back on before she could try to convince him otherwise.

Jamie sat on the couch next to him for a few minutes, watching him play in between bites of the food she had made for him. After almost ten minutes of him ignoring her, she finally got up and headed to bed completely and utterly annoyed with herself. Pathetic, you’re just pathetic, she thought. Would offering sex really fix what was wrong with them? She angrily scrubbed her face clean for bed and rolled the problem around in her head some more.

She’d tried talking with him, but he closed down or claimed everything was fine. She offered sex and got shot down. She brought up the idea of seeing a therapist together and he scoffed and said he had just been stressed at work. What is left to do? She wondered.

***

“Jamie, snap out of it!” Angie shouted, waving her hand in front of Jamie’s gaze.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just…I had a bad night.” Jamie shrugged, trying to clear her head and focus on their conversation.

Angie had been Jamie’s best friend since they were five years old. Jamie and her single mother had moved into the house next to Angie’s family. All the other kids on the block teased her for being the only white girl around and Angie had stood up for her. She shoved the street bully on his ass in front of all the other boys and told him, “Stuff it! She’s my best friend so go away!” Angie and Jamie hadn’t been separated since and had even lived together through college and up until Jamie and Jake got an apartment together.

“What’s going on?” Angie asked, sipping on her coffee. Jamie heaved a sigh and turned away from the window she had been staring out of and back to her barely eaten breakfast. When Jamie woke up that morning around nine, the other side of the bed hadn’t been slept in and Jake had already left. He had written a note in the kitchen that read, “Running errands. Be back to get u for Sam’s party at 6 – J.” Short and to the point. What errands would keep him out all day? Jamie did their grocery shopping on Thursday nights, their laundry machine was in their apartment, and they paid all their bills online.

Tears welled in Jamie’s eyes as she looked at her friend. “I don’t know, Ang. Jake and I are just so out of sync and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Oh honey.” Angie said in sympathy, leaning over and giving her a hug. “I think this conversation calls for some mimosas.” Jamie agreed and wiped at her eyes as Angie ordered their drinks.

“Ugh, I feel like I’m about to loose him and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m so frustrated.” Their mimosa’s arrived and Jamie took a large gulp before continuing, “You know we’ve been distant, I’ve told you that but I think it’s getting worse. Last night, he stayed up late gaming which isn’t unusual and doesn’t bother me. But, Ang…he slept on the fucking couch!” Jamie pouted at the end, resting her forehead on her hands and taking a few deep breaths.

“That asshat.” Angie grumbled, “You know I don’t have much, or rather any experience with a long term relationship, but my gut tells me you two just need to sit down and talk it out. It seems like there’s something in the way and you’re telling me you don’t know what it is so it sounds like a Jake problem.” Angie shrugged, “If you want to keep him, you need to start digging those claws into him, don’t just let the distance grow wider.”

Jamie sighed and sat up to finish her drink, shaking her head ‘no’ when the waitress asked if she wanted a refill. “I know. You’re right.”

“Yes!” Angie cheered herself on and they laughed together.

“But you know me, I want to have a plan and know what I’m going to say before I talk to him.”

“I don’t think you need that. I know that’s how you usually work but this time, it might just be better to face the unknown together.” Angie counseled her, finishing her own drink.

Jamie tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear and waved her hand in the air, “Enough about me and my relationship drama. What’s new with you?”

Angie cringed, licking syrup from her fingers before answering, “Nada. My life is work, home, work, home. No drama.”

“Well that’s boring. You need drama for us to talk about,” Jamie laughed as Angie stuck her tongue out in response.

“Please don’t wish that on me. I’m very happy being single right now. Men are assholes. It’s a shame I don’t like pussy more.” Angie sighed then signaled for the check.

“Maybe you just haven’t tried it enough,” Jamie knew that wasn’t true but liked to rile her friend up. Plus, she really did think Angie needed a man or a special someone in her life but she knew it wasn’t her place to force the matter.

“Believe me, I have.” Angie cringed again, no doubt thinking back on her lesbian dating adventures in their twenties. “No more relationship talk at all. We have clothes to buy!” They gathered their purses, slipping out of the busy cafe. They stayed silent as they dodged people on the busy streets, walking two blocks to their favorite store.

Separating once in the store, their motto for shopping had always been divide and conquer. Jamie and Angie each browsed half the store, looking for clothes for both of them. They would reconvene at the dressing rooms and try it all on.

“Jamie! I’ve got it!” Angie’s voice rung out as Jamie made her way to the changing rooms, arms laden with clothes mostly for her best friend. The lace halter top and a matching skirt that Angie held up for her inspection were perfect. If a little tighter and risque than she usually wore. A luscious, deep black lace featured a nude color backing that would blend right into Jamie’s skin. The skirt settled mid calf at the back but angled so it ran to just above the knee in the front. “Wear this tonight. Your man will love it!”

Jamie hesitated for a second before grabbing the clothes to try on. What will it hurt to just try it on? Maybe showing some skin and being bold would at least get him to look at her. While they shared fantastic sex, it had been several weeks since they were intimate and even longer since Jake had initiated it on his own.

Ignoring the mirror as she undressed, Jamie tried to hype up her own self esteem. He likes your body, he likes all the extra parts to grab on to. From reading on the internet, Jamie knew she would be what the plus sized world considered “small fat”. She easily fit in clothes from most stores, though always in their upper size limits. And she rarely had physical issues like too small chairs in public spaces. But she had some extra padding. Those freshman 15 that had never melted away and turned into more pounds until she stopped counting.

Setting the skirt in place around her hips, Jamie took a deep breath, ignoring the voice in her head that muttered about the fat on her arms showing or her pudgy ankles.

“That is perfect. If my lesbian phase had turned out differently, I would so do you right now.” Angie complimented Jamie when she stepped out of the dressing room.

“It’s not too…showy?” Jamie chewed on her lower lip, standing in front of the three paneled mirror to look at herself better. Sexy. Daring. The cut and coloring of this outfit hugged her large hips and showed off her thighs in a sexy way. Racier than she would normally wear but as she turned and twisted in front of the mirror, imagining herself in heels and her hair made up, she quickly made up her mind.

“I’m taking it.” She said with confidence.

Blog About Ch1: Does Chapter 1 Need to Expand?

Jake and Jamie have been together for 5 years, living together for 2 years. They’ve always outwardly appeared to be the “perfect couple”, with friends often commenting on how lucky they are to have each other. By the start of the story, the last six months or so, things haven’t been going good. There’s emotional and physical distance between them. Jamie has tried to initiate conversations to “fix” whatever is going on but Jake brushes her off.

Chapter 1 that is currently live is my current “re-write” version. But I already want to change it. I need to flesh out the characters a bit more. Dig deeper into why Jake and Jamie are having a rough time in their relationship before we even meet Brett I think.

With some events that happen later in the story, I think it’s very clear that Jake has depression and anxiety and I think that needs to come into play earlier on here, maybe as a reason (big reason? Part of the reason?) the two are so out of touch right now.

Give me more reasons for why a couple who loves each other might be distant with each other emotionally and physically. No cheating, nothing irredeemable. Nothing that can’t be (and will be) fixed.

What else does chapter 1 need?