Flashes of Ecstasy

FLASHES OF ECSTASY by Sage L Mattison | http://sagelmattison.com

Flashes of Ecstasy

Sweat slicked skin against rough calloused fingers.
A throaty moan, full lips parted.
Heat blossoms.
A pinch here,
a tug there
and never-ending swirls below.
Every inch licked and nibbled burns in memory.
Thoughts scatter, two bodies collide.
Legs shake, blood rushes and a gasp gives way to a groan.
The sound of a deep inhale, weight of a form covering a soul.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

How Writing Erotica is a Practice of Self Love (not that kind)

HOW WRITING EROTICA IS A PRACTICE OF SELF LOVE (BUT NOT THAT KIND)  by Sage L Mattison | http://sagelmattison.com

One of the things that has helped me manage my depression and anxiety the most is paying attention and living by my values. I want to live my life for FUN and JOY and not have a job that sucks the soul from my days.

I want my life to be something I love and something that honors what I need. Some of that is needing extra lounging time on bad days, some of that is needing to be able to say fuck the dishes and play with my son instead.

Last year, following my values was becoming a self published erotica writer. It was an act of self love and self care and something I haven’t regretted for 1 single day.

I’ve always had a fascination with romance and sex, especially in media (movies and books). I remember in…7th? or 8th? grade, writing a story about a girl and her boyfriend. There was lots of sex and touching. I wasn’t a good writer and I had no idea about story but I was practicing and trying new things. And then in high school, I took AP English for 2 years and loved it to my core. We got to talk about books all day long!

But while some of the things were about sex (um…Shakespeare anyone?!), none of it was romance or erotic in nature explicitly. And that was what often sang in my head. But I ignored it. I read Nabokov and did research on Oriental-ism. I wrote poems about rain and the monsters in my closet. I started (and never finished) a novel about aliens (it was kind of sci-fi fantasy blend).

I felt like I would be made fun of if I wrote what was yearning to come out most. I wanted to be published but I felt I had to do something meaningful and deep, something people could analyze and devour. From my experiences in school, writing an erotic threesome novel wasn’t something to brag about.

And yet, in 2014 I had a weird moment of clarity. I realized in so many parts of my life, I was living how I wanted. I dropped out of art school because the artist I wasn’t didn’t jive with the teachers point of view, I don’t have a 9-5 job because it’s not what I want for my life. I have plans to homeschool my son and travel across the country. But I wasn’t writing stories that I wanted to and why? Because of my high school teachers that I feared would judge (or people like them)?

BULLSHIT!

I’m an intelligent woman but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy sex or write about it. I am a strong and independent woman, but that doesn’t mean I can’t write or fantasize about bdsm.

So I said fuck this…and started writing. A story came to me and my threesome of Jake, Jamie and Brett have been with my for more than a year now. I write scenes about them in my head, things that probably won’t ever end up published, but help me find out who they are.

Along the last year, I’ve realized that yeah, I write about sex. But it’s also so much more than that. I’m indulging in a part of me that is free and open. I feel so free being able to write on this site and even on twitter as an erotic writer, saying things I wouldn’t have had the guts to say before. I have come to realize that so much more than sex, I write about relationships because I’m so damned curious about what makes people work.

I want to get into people’s heads and figure out how they react to situations, see the world from their point of view.

So I write about sex, and love and life. And it’s never work for me. I write erotica as a way to honor my values. As a way to love myself and give me what I need. I write erotica mostly, because it’s fucking fun!

Depression Kills My Creativity

DEPRESSION KILLS MY CREATIVITY by Sage L Mattison | http://sagelmattison.com

It seems to be a very common thing for people with depression to be creative. Or maybe creativity breads depression. Whatever it is, it has often been said that many people are more creative when they are depressed. I’ve read accounts of people who have gone on antidepressants and hated them because they were no longer creative.

This is not the case for me. I have clinical depression and a panic disorder. I waffle between being sad and lethargic and feeling afraid of everything. I am on medication and I am managing well (for the most part). But recently, I developed a tolerance to my meds and had an intense relapse.

For the most part, my depression and anxiety make me so unmotivated that I can’t be creative. I can’t think beyond my own body, my own little bubble and how to survive into the next moment. Let alone crafting stories of someone else’s life. Having to deal with the drama and pain and love of a couple (or trio) I have created is too much when I’m in that low space in my life.

I’m not complaining, I’m merely stating facts here. When I’m depressed, I don’t create well. And that’s okay. I’ve accepted and I’m fine with it. I understand that my body needs other things in that time and I allow it. I take a break from working, I pause my life and give myself the care I need.

There’s kind of a gift/curse thing with self publishing that I DON’t HAVE OFFICIAL DEADLINES.

It’s a gift in that, I can take a break and push back a release if I need to.

But it’s also a curse in that, sometimes I really need accountability to finish something.

Either way, I’m glad for the current path I’ve taken as an author because my life does need that flexibility. As a stay at home mom and someone with mental illnesses, I need the openness that self publishing gives me.

I’m doing better now. Not where I was before but better. I finally released We Need Him Part 4 (get your copy!) and I have even started a brand new story! Like new characters and everything! It’s exciting. I’ll keep you updated.