Depression Kills My Creativity

Depression Kills My Creativity

DEPRESSION KILLS MY CREATIVITY by Sage L Mattison | http://sagelmattison.com

It seems to be a very common thing for people with depression to be creative. Or maybe creativity breads depression. Whatever it is, it has often been said that many people are more creative when they are depressed. I’ve read accounts of people who have gone on antidepressants and hated them because they were no longer creative.

This is not the case for me. I have clinical depression and a panic disorder. I waffle between being sad and lethargic and feeling afraid of everything. I am on medication and I am managing well (for the most part). But recently, I developed a tolerance to my meds and had an intense relapse.

For the most part, my depression and anxiety make me so unmotivated that I can’t be creative. I can’t think beyond my own body, my own little bubble and how to survive into the next moment. Let alone crafting stories of someone else’s life. Having to deal with the drama and pain and love of a couple (or trio) I have created is too much when I’m in that low space in my life.

I’m not complaining, I’m merely stating facts here. When I’m depressed, I don’t create well. And that’s okay. I’ve accepted and I’m fine with it. I understand that my body needs other things in that time and I allow it. I take a break from working, I pause my life and give myself the care I need.

There’s kind of a gift/curse thing with self publishing that I DON’t HAVE OFFICIAL DEADLINES.

It’s a gift in that, I can take a break and push back a release if I need to.

But it’s also a curse in that, sometimes I really need accountability to finish something.

Either way, I’m glad for the current path I’ve taken as an author because my life does need that flexibility. As a stay at home mom and someone with mental illnesses, I need the openness that self publishing gives me.

I’m doing better now. Not where I was before but better. I finally released We Need Him Part 4 (get your copy!) and I have even started a brand new story! Like new characters and everything! It’s exciting. I’ll keep you updated.

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