I’m currently working on the edits for We Need Him Part 4. My original plan was to publish this in May but that didn’t happen because of life and such.
But once I sat down and started to actual edit, I had a few days where I just fucking froze.
I read the words I wrote and went, “UGH! What the hell is this shit?!” After so much time away from my own work, after spending so much time editing and reading the work of others…I felt like I was the worst writer in existence.
Self doubt, inner critics…these are constant companions to all writers but that doesn’t mean we need to be listening to what they whisper. I had those few days of feeling awful and during them, I set my writing down and went inward.
I ignored the self doubt and reminded myself of two things:
I finally started writing erotica because I enjoy it.
My style might be different than someone else’s but that doesn’t mean it’s bad or inferior.
For years and years I stopped writing because I thought I had to do everything perfect. I had to write like one of the greats, I had to create work that was deep and meaningful. It had to be able to be analyzed and read between the lines. And then…one day I just wondered, “Why?”
Why can’t I be writing what I want to write? I want to write about sex. And relationships and how people interact together. It doesn’t all have to be deep. The curtains don’t have to be blue to reflect my characters mood.
Just because I’m writing erotica doesn’t make me less of a writer.
I don’t always write the most flowery description, especially about the rooms my characters or in or things like that. But who fucking cares?!
Their emotions are clear on the page. Sometimes, I struggle to write a scene because it’s so emotional. Their actions, voices and feelings bleed through the pages and, to me, the characters come alive.
I’m not writing so my readers can visualize the bedroom perfectly, I’m writing to get to know how these characters play off each other, how their relationship dynamic influences the rest of their lives. I’m writing to explore the characters, not necessarily their world.
Either way…it doesn’t mean I’m a bad writer. It means, I don’t write just like my sister or my husband does. (I’ve been editing their work and they are amazing). It means I have my own style and I need to embrace it and run with it.
Another thing I need to remember, all first drafts are shitty. Especially when I write to get the thoughts out and know know know know that I will be adding to the visuals and actions later in the editing process. Sometimes I forget and re-read it and think WHAT THE FUCK?! before I remember.